Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
