He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
