he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
