remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Fuck appropriateness.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
