Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
