wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
