Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
