Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
