Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
