Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
