you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
