God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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