i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
