and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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