I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
