Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
