she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
