I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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