he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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