no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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