I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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