I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
