Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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