So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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