new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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