Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
