return my video game
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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