so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
