dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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