how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
