your parents love me but you hate me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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