bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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