this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
