Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
