I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
