Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Never underestimate the power of titties
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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