hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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