i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i dont even know how to be here
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
