that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
