My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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