three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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