maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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