when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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