You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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