My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
