so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
