its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
