Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
