I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
