I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Everything about him screamed your future.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
