Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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