They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
