He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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