I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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