So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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