please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
