I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
