my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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