Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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