I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
