I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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