It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
