Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My dick has a subreddit
Let's get the cat blown out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
