There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
