the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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