Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
