my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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