I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
