watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
