That's intense
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
