Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
