it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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