Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
