I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
