when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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